Melancholy Me
i was one of those people who hated status quo of any kind...
i wanted people to be jerked out of their complacency to achieve smthing...
i was one of those people who thought that logic and rationality r the only ways to go ..
i was one of those people who people called a robot or a machine coz i can be very cold and cruel when i am angry...
i was one of those people who thought being the best 1 can be is the only way to be happy...
I WAS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
now all i feel like doing is curling up in my bed and not think of leaving it..
now all i feel like doing is just stay where i am ...
now all i do is FEEL
now all i do is feel SAD
As u can guess from the stuff above i am feeling really depressed abt leavin bangalore...
i kno i am goin to join a bscool
i kno is goin to b good fr me(hopefully)
but i am just sad ..mayb i'll look bak and think i was actin bizzare but for now i just want to be SAD and not feel guilty abt it ..
coz people bak home r goin to be really happy fr me..
coz i am comin bak ..
as much as i try i am unable to be happy ..
i hope this is not like an omen that i am not goin to b happy there!
aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i hurt yet nobdy understands, i bleed but nobdy can see
coz all they can see is a girl who is goin to be what she wanted to BE
what they cant see is the pain
they say "girl u have got so much to gain"
what they cant see r my tears and fears
they just say "WOW u r goin to b an MBA in 2 years"
i just want smbdy to say "i care"
i just want smdy to say "its going to b ok .. i'll always be there"
posted by Akanksha at 10:32 PM
51 Comments:
can understand..
me too leaving Bangalore for Delhi. Never realised when I grew attached with this place.
I care...
well we have a lots in common ... its only that u have just realized how much attached became to Blore....do not worry its a passong phase .. same happened when i was leaving Port Blair....
i totally understand whats gng on in ur mind.
sej: yeah i just never realised when this place sort of grew on me.. u kno when it stopped being a place where i cant understand what half the people arnd me r sayin to a place which often feels like my own...
facesmasher: awwwwwwwwwwww
*hugs*
awwwwwww
this is so totally unexpected esp frm u
that all i can say is awwwwwwww
and thank u so much :)
abhinav: thanks .. i hope its a passing phase too...
thanks fr understandin..
:)
wishing you all the very best for your move and after two years you'll be glad that you went. In fact, after six months itself you will be glad that you went.
Things will be ok :)
facesmasher; how can u ramble on on when u r sayin nasty stuff
but when being ch chweet u suddenly get tongue tied :)
Generally_Speaking: thanks dude..
:)
Seriously.. Happens everytime... Cant come up with the words. :( Btw, dont worry much. U'll b fine.. Max a week to adjust,i'll say. I dont have no more consolation for you, me being the nomad myself..
Like a mirage appearing out of desert sand
Like a vision floating on the desert land.
arre, but dont be all sad & melancholic sweetie :) i know exactly wat u feel... will be leavin for a mba too, remember? Iam tryin to be happy & cheerful w/o think much abt how it'll be like to leave kolkata!
Try doin the same... mi8 help :)
Life goes on... you will be happy there... I think at the end of your course you will happy that you went through with this even though it means heart ache and pain now
Of course its going to be okay. Instead of relying on other people to say that to u, u shud say that to urself. U've made a decision. Be confident abt it.
Moving from one city to another after spending 2 yrs can't be easy but u gotta do what u gotta do :)
facesmasher: thanks fr tryin to say smthin nice dude
freaky: yeah .. mayb we'll meet in sm fest or smthing .. if u dnt become all snooty coz u r a mican..
lucio: thank u soooooooo much..
btw did u like my poem?
raj: thanks fr sm tough love..
even tho i wanted a lil bit of sympathy
*pouts*
Well, i don't exactly knw abut yr feeling coz i never left del. That was quite different reaction frm others i gues ..:D ...
Anyways, i will repeat yr dialogue ...
"sad shad mat ho yaar" ;)
Jo bhi hua hai aache ke liye hua hai aur jo hoga aache ke liye hoga ..
U'll live another life. So now it'll b yr 3rd kinda life, once in colls then bang now @ IMT. So i guess u r really one who is moving fwd. So like u have described those changes in u, once again u'll b changed, pretty exciting i guess. I m really sorry if i can't feel wat u r feeling ryt now but i will always b there for u.
Aur haan, jahan bhi ja rahi hai khush ho kar ja ;-), i was listenin to this gurdas mann song "thoda thoda" it says "Hasoge ta sara jagg naal hasega, rovoge ta sara jagg door nhasega", i hope u get the meaning and i have really felt that thing in recent times.
And if u really wanna feel gud, tell everything to someone(whoeva u want) and trust me u'll feel good.
I wanna write more but abhi mera mind stuck sa hai .... m also kinda sad ..:D
Take Care
Aur haan, listen to music, that will really help. Trust me. Even i m listening to some good music like ozzy and metallica ;)
yup your poem was nice..
:(
i feel your pain. but i'll say it's okay to sulk. and feel bad. it's not easy, no? we all deserve a bit of freedom to brood.
all the best for what lies ahead. they will be good, exciting times too! just different.
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and did i tell you that i've always thought "akanksha" is a beautiful name??
it is!!!
killer is i: thanks yaar..
haan sahi lyrics hain us gurdas mann song ki...
i am also hopin to learn a lot and grow as a person..
haan mummy bhi yahi kehti hain ki hamesha naya kaam khushi khushi shuru karna chaiye.. try kar rahi hoon..but smtimes that gloomy mood strikes me..
and my panacea fr any kind of trouble is also talkin to friends and music..
so aaj kal bas yahi kar rahi hoon
tum log bhi to mere dost ho is liye dil haal bata rahi hoon
lucio: thank u very much sir.. even tho i had fish fr compliments.. u should read my other 4 liners or 6 liners that i have written fr facesmasher guy. :)
*fishing fr more compliments*
ipanema girl: thanks.. ie what i meant when i said that everybdy wants me to be happy .. i just want smtime to sulk and brood and u kno generally be melancholy.. but i am tryin to come out of it..
coz if i get too deep into it then it makes me go into one of the really bad phases
awwwww .. thank u so much fr likin my name.. my mum who gave it to me wuld be really happy
she said i was her "akanksha"
u kno her aspiration
*sigh*
So you would be finally leaving Bangalore.
I will say along the lines of ipanema girl. It is okay to curl in bed or hide under the bed cover. It is okay to be vaciliating and ruminating. It is okay to be looking for some support.
It is totally human to be apprehensive of future. I am sure this is not the first time and this won't be the last time.
But Good luck for whatever you do and all the best whereever you would be.
Done wit me exams.. Finally m an engineer.. Yay.. So m back on blogger now.. Posted.. Now you post something, u lazy bum
Hah, me snooty cuz iam a mican? lady i cud say the same to the IMT-G princess-to-be! ;P
congratulations.
hug.
double hug.
Oye..
"Anna chronism" aka ponchie is in no way on my favorites list.. In fact she's so so far away from that list, that she mite as well be in caracas city for all i care.
Change that description before my dog spells out the word l-i-b-e-l and sues u for $10mil for damages.Capsice?
hey akanksha..
its been quite a while... so, you are finally leaving b'lore. leaving a place is never easy.. it grows on you faster than you think. and its only when you are leaving it, do you realize what all you are going to miss out on.
Hey, but there's always a positive side. You'll go to a new place, where you'll not understand what half the people are saying... but, then after a few months, it will be a place you can call your own.. Plus, its a lot closer to home, than b'lore.
Wish you the very best of luck for your new life.. :-) And replying back to emails is a good start..
satya: thanks :)
smashie: sir yes sir.. will post soon sir..
freaky : hey we IMTians r very down to earth.. but i think all micans carry a chip on their shoulders he he ;D
hopefully u'll stay the same .. and not act all high and mighty
anna: thanks sweetie.. tons of hugs to u too
smashie: i wont do it unless u ask nicely he he :)
just like my pouts dnt work with u .. ur threats dnt work with me buster
*puts up her fists again*
Gautam: i havent checked my mails since ages.. u kno my sick company policy
i thought u would always come to my blog and leav a comment or 2 ..
will check mails asap..and reply tooo
thanks fr ur support dude ..
missed u like hell .. u kno i still keep checkin ur blog atleast once a day in the hope that u'll put up smthing..
phew .. u kno what i'll shoot a mail with all the other stuff
btw if u read this comment just reply so i kno u read it ok?
it'll be ok
i'm here for you...as are so many of your blog-family
now blog something new :P
here's your ack comment.
Will look forward to that mail. :)
u will have great 2 years there, both professionally as well as personally. Try to learn as much as possible,will groom u well....do as much extra reading as possible, it has an excellent library. Some people get lost due to placement security, which is highly dependent on the state of economy.
Speaking from 2 yrs of experience there...not long back.
px: hi...long time no see on my comment sapce... thanks fr being there
gautam: thanks fr the acknowledgement.. mail sendin on the to do list today
anon: hi.. thanks fr the reassurance.. i hope i dnt get lost .. u kno after 2 yrs of industry experience i hope to get a good placement.:)
but why an anon comment??
i had 3 yrs of pre-mba exp. good that u had a professional stint before u took the plunge..it goads u to utilise the little 2 yrs as much as possible.
BTW, when's the sesson starting.
anon: :) thanks fr this cool info.. i was feelin like i was goin to be an oldie there.. ;D
i think its starting on 28 or 29th june..
hey why dnt u mention ur name
addressing u as anon is kind of weird!
Initial few days would be fraught with some ragging...with MCA guys taking the lead. You may like or dislike it (depends on how u look at it, sm people have biases about ragging in PG courses)... but would definitely help in breaking the ice.
I was spared because of my work-ex, i don't know whether the girls get the same privilege or not...most likely not.
i prefer this non-anon id.
i'm always around, i'm like a bad smell...i just don't go away!
Ok fine.. No fiting the nice lady, no smashing faces on this blog.. So here goes..
Will u please, for the sake of the nice lil rep that i've built over the months on blogger, change ponchie's description to something else? Please dont associate the facesmasher with tht crazy, weird, psychotic, rotten girl. Pleeeeze..
Ok, was that nice enough? If not, gimme a number. Im much more nicer on a phone
And oye, your nickname's rinki? Damn, my choto bon's name's rinki.. And i thot twas a damn rare name.. Even unique mebbe. Turns out its not.. *sighs* Dammit!
dudette!! ... u´ll learn to be okay.
U will learn not to worry, u will learn to synchonise our past and future.
I was in your shoes once and that what i learnt :)
And, most importantly, it´ll make you rich"er" :D
tension math le :)
correction*
its "your" past and future :D
inti007: this is better than anon :)
i dnt mind getting ragged generally but i think after 2 yrs of workin its goin to be kind of strange to be humiliated in public.. even tho i should be quite used to it by now as my boss has a sharp tongue ;(
px: he he :D glad to hav u arnd!
facesmasher : ok ok! i relent.. i'll change it!
and rinki is actually a very common bong name i think :)
u r a bong right??
anjan: thanx dude!! i hope u hav again settled into the humdrum of ur life in germany after being pampered like hell here :)
Do not worry..they won't be humiliating.
Also,you will get due respect for your work-ex.
All the best, perhaps, for best 2 years of your life....make it count.
inti007: i hope to make them count :)
so where r u placed now.. arnd delhi??
yup, based in delhi.
Organise a good alumini meet this time. Last year's was a real dud.
I'm bengali *lifts his chin in disdain of the rest of the scum present, sniffs the smelly air..* and not an instrument for smoking weed.. Btw, i like that nick.. And it sounds better wit my sis, not u.. So give it up.. :p
And what's the deal with the "me is not at all scared of him", huh.. U really want a piece of me, punk?
init007: dnt worry sir! will organise a good alumni meet sir!
*salutes*
facesmasher: btw u sound more like an instrument of smokin weed than a bengali he he :D
and the nick suits me more
me me me !!
*throws a tantrum*
*puts up her fists*
u want a piece of me hunh punk..
u want a piece of me!!
settled??... not yet.... all thanks to the desi virus that i carried along.
visiting a doc in the evening ... let us C!
looks like a wrestling match is up b/w u n smasher ... screening it?
Yea.. Sure.. Present it.. That piece of you.. Or u want me to saw it off the you!! Huh?*catches the tantrum, and just like last time, feeds it to his favorite piranha*
btw, comment #49
And here comes 50.. Now go do that stripping n dancing u promised the mad doc..
For the uninitiated, our lady, akanksha here, promised the mad doc, who's ident wont be revealed for the sake of iran's security, that she would do what i mentioned above, if a post of hers hit 50comments.. I was just eavesdropping a lil, sorry..
anjan: awwwww get well soon..
facesmasher: that piranha line is gettin old man!!
come up with smthing more creative
:P
i love dancing.. but strippin naaaaaah .. the mad doc would go totally loco if strip.. ;D
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